Slow Healing

We met with the Doctor on Friday. He re-capped the surgery and thankfully, he said that things went really well. He doesn't foresee any future complications, but we can only wait and see. For the time being, I just need to focus on letting my body heal. I am thankful that my energy and been returning. I am able to get around and I returned to work this week as well.

Its amazing to me how quickly life can change overnight. One day our life was simple and uncomplicated. The next day we could barely see the view. In my life, I have spent most of my days trying to grow my relationship with the Lord by reading the "Truth" and trying to hide its words in my heart. But going through a hard time generates an entirely different perspective for those same words. At the beginning, I couldn't praying without crying and I couldn't focus on the "big" picture. I was just surviving one day to the next. But as the days have passed, I have been able to think more clearly, pray and find comfort in God's words and the truth about His character. I know He only wants good things for His children, and I have realized that the desire for a family is completely out of my control anyways. My job is to focus on giving the Lord control in my life each morning that I wake up. This, of course, is much easier said, than done.

Everyone said the grieving process would show its face differently for each of us. I can assure you it has. At first, I couldn't do or feel much. At most, I was focusing on how I felt physically. Next, as I mentioned in a previous post, I was angry and disappointed over the turn of events in our life. I felt cheated. Then, as the gravity of the situation sunk it, I have been able to come to terms with the fact that a tiny life had not only lived, but had been lost. I think about how that little baby is waiting for us, and when we go to heaven, we will be able to meet this little miracle. It is so sad, yet comforting, at the very same time. (I can't imagine going through this without the Lord) I am not sure what the next phase will be for me.

Matt is going through phases also, only they are very different than mine. He is struggling to be the protector, provider and comforter in our relationship. Yet, he has his own emotions and perspective to work through. We would appreciate your prayers. This is hard to think through, and talk through, as a couple. And please pray for my physical healing. I am experiencing terrible headaches, which we are thinking is a result of the physical and emotional stress.

I will say it again and again. Your prayers and words of "Truth" mean so much. We appreciate each of you.